fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
