i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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