I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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