You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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