I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
