last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
