Christians are straight up FREAKS
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize