Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Randomize
