he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
