I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
