dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
