Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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