we have pet lesbian snakes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm both gender and math confused
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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