She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize