Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
BRING THE BAGELS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
