Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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