Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
