Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
