morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
