omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize