Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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