i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I believe in your delicious
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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