he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
