I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
