i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
