my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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