I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The uberlube is also flammable
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize