I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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