i think my mom watched the whole time
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So many bounce houses so little time
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
