not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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