Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
