WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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