I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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