So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
