Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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