So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We need to get me chipped asap
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
