please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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