my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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