Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
