okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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