You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize