Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
