Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
