i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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