those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
