i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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