I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
