im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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