we have officially lost it.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
