Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize