not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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