I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
