ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
