dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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