Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
