he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
