So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
