He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
