So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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