it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
