I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
