I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
