so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize