I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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