I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
