The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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