I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
