false alarm. still invincible.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
