Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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