Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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